Ready for the weekend

I love how weekends seem so far away when we are starting our work week and then for me by Wednesday I know I am almost there! I am so thankful that I am only working part time, although for me that seems like a full time job and then some. Working part time allows me to have some time to rest but also to spend my energy studying! Today though I can see on paper that I have only worked about 20hrs but gosh my body feels like I have worked some 80hrs. My legs feel horrible, and for the life of me I wish I had a reason why! A reason of course other than my RA/Fibro! 😛

The limitation of having an invisible disease are many and very frustrating! You want the ability to get a few hours of sleep and keep going.  And, at least I do, I want to be able to run around, shop, do errands, work full time, and study full time with out being reduced to crawling into bed for days because I did too much. I worked this week, I studied this week and now I feel like I have been hit by a car and then some. But I have errands to do, things to do around the house and so much more….being limited sucks!

But I have to remind myself that while my body is physically limited by MIND is not! And I have to take advantage of things that are easier on my body! Things like Skype to study with friends instead of pushing everything into a few hours so I can physically do more (take advantage of technology), take advantage of planning ahead so you can do more while you are out (once I come home….I’m staying home…I’ll do my errands at once), and organize (so what you are thinking of Christmas shopping…better to do it now then be stressed and standing in long lines).

There are things I can do to better handle my life, my limitations and living with my disease. I realize that now as I am growing older. And I think the one big prayer I have is to find and be surrounded by people who do understand my limitations! Who appreciate that I cannot keep going and going like they might be able to do.  That sometimes I need to rest, take advantage of technology, plan ahead, organize and maybe yes..just stay home and rest!

Have a great weekend! 🙂 Let’s rest and relax some 🙂

Simple May Be Just That

Sometimes we try to take a small thing and make it into this huge project! We start cleaning off our dresser and it turns into a whole re-do the room project. Is that our human nature or just the nature of us Type A, OCD people? The one thing I have come to realize is sometimes things are just that….simple! Sometimes there does not need to be this HUGE answer to a small problem…sometimes a small answer is the best way to answer a small problem!

For me my small problem is my invisible disease, invisible because to the naked eye I look fine. And trust me I have learned to act fine! But inside there is so much pain, stress, and hurt (both emotional and physical). The emotional hurt comes because I do look fine and act fine…no one truly knows the daily pain I suffer.  The physical pain is easily hid today and maybe tomorrow..but one day I will not be able to hid the physical pain. One day maybe I will be back in my wheel chair…if nothing else because of the fatigue… or maybe back on my cane. Sadly then maybe more people will understand the struggle of an invisible disease…when it becomes visible?

Sometimes the smallest simplest way to understand an invisible disease is to understand that just because someone looks fine…maybe they are not fine! Not a hard concept…it does not necessarily take a PHD to understand that concept…but for so many people…it seems like the hardest thing to do! It is so hard for so many to simply understand that ….just because we look fine…doesn’t mean we are fine!

Try and look deeper into people…try to understand that someone around you (with or without an invisible disease) is hurting. Maybe reach out to them, see how you can support them, encourage them and love on them. See how you can touch their lives and I pray and hope they do the same to you! It seems so simple but it is so necessary to just love on people and they love on you in return!

You never know how you might change a life, it may be just that simple! 🙂

Difficult to Think With Pain

Is it just me or when the pain is so bad ….sometimes even thinking about what you want to eat is hard! The last few days my pain has increased tremendously….probably because of all the school work and stress. But it is soooo extremely hard to concentrate when your body feels just broken!

Earlier this week I was thinking in my mind…what all hurts. I made a list – ankles, toes, knees, hips, wrists, thumbs, fingers, shoulders, back. I look at my list and wonder…what joints in my body don’t hurt yet? Key work is “yet.” And then the thought…wow one day everything will possibly hurt…but at the same time today it feels like EVERYTHING does hurt!

Pain does amazing (yet awful) things to your thinking! It could be me but some days I feel exhausted…the lack of sleep because of pain does not help but the pain (even with some rest) is just draining! I some days feel like …why do I get up. I am gaining nothing but a new view (either my living room, my bedroom, my office, etc.) but I am STILL hurting!

The hot shower, the icey hot, it does not matter..no matter what I do…I still hurt! You want to know one of my dreams….I dream that one day we do not have to hurt anymore. And we do not have to take medication that will kill us to do it! Dreams right! one day 🙂

So yet again I am resting on my lovely couch, hurting so badly that I can hardly think…but one positive that I can think about..I am not ALONE!