Sometimes you have to rest, sometimes you have to let go of your dreams and sometimes you have to push forward for what you heart wants the most. That is the funny thing about life….it changes day by day! For me one day I want to scream and cry because I hurt so bad and other days I am so determined to get through my classes that I can just feel hitting the “end” button for the very last time!

Life is emotional, life is draining, life is stressful but life is your life! Life is what you make of it…not matter the barriers you have to climb! I have learned that because of my invisible disease barriers, I have to push twice as hard, want my degree twice as hard and be determined to finish! But I am not alone in having to push! Maybe you are hurting from something else, exhausted because of something else, or just drained because of something else.

We often feel sometimes that we have to compare ourselves to some one else, and the truth is….we do not have to compare ourselves to anyone. Because our journey is our journey! So sometimes you need to stop and go “THIS IS MY JOURNEY” and I will “LIVE, BREATH, AND BE HAPPY!”

I know sometimes I have done that and especially so this week! I am finally DONE with my paper! My term will close tomorrow and I am so happy! This journey has been rough, but wow what I have learned. Off to rest and get ready for class tomorrow night but the awesome thing is that by this time tomorrow my summer 2012 term will be OVER!!!

Pushing through

My fibro raised its ugly painful head today! I was soooo tired, no matter what I did! So I spent most of the day in bed!

About 3pm I dragged myself out of bed and got a few things done. I have come to realize that “normal” for us Spoonies and squeakers….changes every day! The only thing that can be expected every day is pain :(. But despite the pain, I have learned we can do many things!

So I am going back to bed, and hoping that tomorrow despite my pain, something will get done! 🙂 sleep well world!


I crossed another win in my marathon game of finishing a doctorate degree. My HARDEST yes HARDEST paper I have written to date finally became a FIRST draft! Now I will take a break from it tomorrow, I will rest, recoup and take an exam. The positive of this step is that I did not struggle as much as I thought I would.  I sat down BEFORE I started writing and got organized. Thank you to all my teachers, mentors, professors etc. that taught me the value of organizing first! When I had pages of notes to follow….the words and sources flowed. I credit the success to all the encouragement of my blog followers, twitter followers, and my friends. The little notes here and there, the comments of encouragement..this is done because of all of you! THANK YOU!

Today I hurt so bad…I wanted to quit so bad. My legs, my hands, my hips, my knees…everything felt broken and my mind stressed.  I stopped and went and got a manicure/pedicure. As my feet were being massaged and as hot wax helped relieve some of the pain. I felt rejuvenated.  My husband and I went out for dinner and then ice-cream…and I got back home ready to attack the remaining three pages. 

I needed 12 pages and I have about 12.5 pages. This gives me something to edit, add/subtract as I round my paper into something I want to turn in on Wednesday! Thankfully though the hardest part is done! 🙂

On to the next step, on to facing the remainder of this journey! On to becoming a doctor 🙂

Just keep going

That is something I am reminding myself as I am in the “FINAL” week of this summer semester. It has been one tough tough ride but I am almost there! The only tidbit I can share tonight is even when it gets so hard you want to quit (TRUST ME I was there/am there)…take a break and go back at climbing the mountain.

I may be covered in IceeHot so that I can relieve myself temporarily of some pain…but at least I am typing a few more sentences. And in a few more minutes a few more sentences. Eventually the HUGE INTENSE paper I have to write will be done. I just have to keep plugging at it! One step at a time!

Hang in there!

Carbon Monoxide

What a memorable (yet stressful) day! My husband and father in law were working in their shop when they suffered carbon monoxide poisoning. Not the phone call you want to get! Thankfully doctors were able to treat them and they were home by late evening!

Definitely not something to take lightly, I have become much more aware of the need to have monitors for this odorless, tasteless and deadly poison.

Thankful to have them for another day! And we were greeted by a beautiful rainbow when we peaked outside!



Relax and Take a Breath

How often do you get sooooo caught up in stuff that we get anxious/worried/frustrated??? I know that was me earlier today! I have two papers due, several discussion boards, powerpoints etc. etc. Yes we are down to the last two weeks of school and needless to say I am STRESSING!! But then you know I had to stop and take a deep breath!

Inevitably the next few weeks will go by, my worrying or not!!! I have on control over the passing of time! So what I need to do is set a plan, set some goals for each day, and REST!!!! By doing that I will save myself major stress and hopefully not cause myself any additional pain!! 🙂 That’s my current goal for tonight! If you have any advice please share!

I know my RA and Fibro flares soooo bad when I’m stressed and when that happens I am afraid my thinking cap will not work very well! Sooo off to rest some, I have work and more studying tomorrow. My current goal it to focus about 4 hours on my philosophy paper tomorrow! My ultimate goal is to have the complete 12 pages done by this weekend so I can work on the edits over the weekend. It is due by the 1st of August! So yes down to the wire!  My goal for my 29 page paper that is for my other class is to finish the final edits tomorrow. Proof it for its final reference check and then do final edits no later than Tuesday. I want it done! I also have to practice my presentation, my goal is to start doing that tomorrow, once a night for the next week. That way I will be comfortable with the information and clear on what needs communicated, gosh I only have 10 minutes!

The one thing I have learned is you are definitely limited by our invisible diseases but you do not have to stop living life. You just have to adjust! I was able to be in a wedding, hike around all day in heels but today I definitely have to rest a lot more than usual! I can get my homework done….I just do not have much extra time. But that is ok…I take one day at a time! Remembering that relaxing and resting have to make my priorities list 🙂

Live for Today, Hope for Tomorrow

Three more classes! I cannot wait for tonight to be over! We are going to be delving deeper into the world of Deweyian (sp?) educational thinking. Interesting stuff but after 6 hours my brain is FRIED! But I am determined to put my best foot forward, I am determined to finish this class, and I am determined to move forward in this program.

Again today I was reminded how awesome it is to be in a doctoral program. How awesome it is to be learning from some amazing faculty members who so want me and my cohort to be succesful. I am blessed, I am blessed because I have so much! Despite the pain nipping at my body today…I will go into class tonight happy, relaxed and ready to share and learn.

You never know..maybe one day it will be a student of mine sitting at a table in a few years…thinking the same thing I am thinking. That’s just it honestly, you never know what effects the things you do today..will have on your future! You never know that maybe in a few years you will find someone whose life you touched years before. I’m thankful for my encouraging spirit because when I encourage others, I feel more energized. So today I encourage you to live for today and hope for tomorrow! Live looking for someone’s life to touch! You never know what influence you may have on someone else!

That said, I hope that your RA/Fibro pain lessens today. I hope that we can have an awesome (less painful) afternoon! I hope that we can connect with others like us who understand, and I hope that maybe as the months/days go by…we can find more ways to alleviate our pain at little cost to the rest of our body!