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Having RA and Fibro you sadly have to slow down! For me tonight that meant resting for two hours before I could jump back into studying! I hated waiting but all my studying (and anything else) will not work if I stress out my body! For me though, it is hard not to push myself …I have alway pushed but now I cannot.

And I have to take a break and know my limits! So tonight instead of driving to class….I skyped with a cohort member! I love the ability to sit in my living room and have a study group! 🙂

One thing I am praying for…please God on Wednesday ease my pain some! Today my knees, hands, hips and back were killing me 😦 pray that during my test I have some relief!!!

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Pain and Thinking

When I was young, I never realized how much I should have appreciated being able to run around and do things! Now I struggle to get the energy to get out of bed, take a shower, and do my homework.

For those of you who do have daily constant pain….appreciate the life! Live your life and do as much as you can because one day you may not be able to do things like you want!

How would you? or What would you?

How would you…simple three words but they carry so much meaning! One thought on my mind this afternoon is how am I going to balance everything?  Three classes this summer over a 10 week course! INTENSE!

But the good news is that I have balanced things so far, I am submitting my final paper this afternoon!! YAY! And then Wednesday I will be taking my final Then I will be DONE! 🙂 Wow I can not believe it!

Then Friday I have a conference, possibly a trip out of town, lunch date on Saturday and then next Friday I have a lunch date/final defense to watch. And then multiple things on Saturday! HOWEVER despite all that I have to do, the priority needs to be my God, my family and resting! My body needs to rest, relax and re-fill so I can make summer!

So my question….how would you? What would you? These are some great thinking questions 🙂

Do What

Have you ever been asked to live today like it will be your last? If you have, what did you think about that? I sometimes am very cynical and often prefer to sit there and ask why? What about this scenario etc. when I am faced with a broad…subjective question. But tonight, since this thought was part of a conversation today….I cannot help but wonder…if I was living today like it would be my last…what would I do? what would I change? Who would I touch?

Would I hug everyone I passed in the hall? Would I give some extra to the poor? Would I say I love you one more time to my hubby? Would I sleep in 10 min later? While we never know when our last day on this earth will be I cannot help but wonder…would we be more positive if we lived like today would be our last? Interesting question right! The things that come to mind at 1:40a.m.! 🙂 Random yes??

Let’s hope my pain eases soon so I can go to sleep..many more hours of studying are ahead!

Too many things…Too Little Time

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Or that sometimes you spend all the time focused on your pain! It is hard to not get frustrated and angry but for me…I have really felt overwhelmed the past week or so! I am getting down to my last class week of the semester. I have a major paper due and a HUGE (beyond huge) final.

Every part of me wants to spend every moment doing nothing but studying but you can only do so much studying! So I am trying to balance everything..add on my RA pain, Fibro fog and the side effects of the medication…and it is a mess!

But amazingly I am still hanging in there! I don’t know how I do it…but still hanging in there! Yes I’ve been quiet on here..mostly because this past week I have felt so exhausted. My energy has been zapped but I find that whenever I go days with out blogging….I start feeling restless. Just being able to share my feelings/thoughts/frustrations…is so helpful!

So this morning…yet again at 1:30a.m. I am still up ..but I’m positive! I’m hopeful that I will do well ( self-talk here) and I’m hopeful and positive that I am in school for a reason. Earlier this week I got majorly stressed about finding a full time job, car etc. and then I had to stop myself. I was so anxious I could tell I was heading down the wrong road! Everything will work out! I know it will and until I get a full time job and my own car…things will go as they have….which is fine! 🙂

Don’t worry about things you cannot change and do not stress! You are not alone in your battle and only do in a day what you can do 🙂

Four Years

Four years ago this morning, I joined the “single parent” club. Now today I could not help but think back last night as the time drew closer to midnight. We knew around midnight four years ago that it would be the last night for my dad. We knew that his time had finally come, something we hated to think about, hated to acknowledge but unfortunately like many other things in life…we could not change it.

I can still remember walking across the mall area at school, I was a graduating senior…life was almost perfect. I was working on getting a new job and I could not for December to get here so I could graduate! It was about this time of the year actually and then my phone rang. Daddy said doctors were telling him they had found bladder cancer. I remember thinking right then, how would I live with out my daddy? Dad was confident that they could get everything with surgery. So that summer, he went through surgery and then Mom had to learn how to take care of him post-surgery. That was all that was supposed to happen. Doctors were “confident” they had “everything.”

I did not get to see Daddy  before, during, or right after surgery. I finished my semester and then I arranged to visit during August. I went up and enjoy a few days of seeing my parents again but I could not help but miss how tired my Daddy looked. He had lost so much weight . I saw them again and this time I brought with me a big surprise, my boyfriend ( and future husband) was going to get to meet my parents (finally).

Fast forward, Dad looked worse and worse but he made it to my college graduation! I was so proud, I caught Daddy’s eye as I walked down after receiving my “diploma.” It made my day for him to see me walk the stage! He was so tired he did not stay, it was a week or so away from Christmas…so I told him I would probably spend the holidays with my boyfriend and visit sometime in the spring.

I remember about a week or two later Daddy called, he said that I needed to prepare myself, this year would be his last Christmas. It was so hard to hear that, inside I hoped he was wrong…but deep down inside I knew he was not. I ran around getting some last minute small presents and I drove the 8hrs to my parents home. It was so hard to “celebrate” but we did our best…it was the FIRST Christmas that my sister and I had been home since we both left for college…it was truly bittersweet.

Dad found out right after the new year the news, stage four bone cancer. He did a few weeks of radiation but he knew it was just buying him time. By the time he went in hospice, I took off work to help my mom and sister. And then on April 25, 0500 Dad was gone.

Today I cannot believe how life has moved on, I do miss him much. Even know as I think back on him tears come to me eyes. But instead of grieving the father I lost four years ago, I focus on the memories I have today. I remember the good times, the smiles, the laughs and the life lessons.

For all of us who have lost a parent, it never gets easier but time does heal! And with every year that passes…a little more of the wound is covered. You may wonder does it ever stop hurting? No I don’t think so because they were part of us, part of what made us who we are today. So no I will never stop hurting but today, Daddy I will say I love and miss you!

Until I see you again, I love you!

Thank you E!

One very special and TALENTED young lady took some time to take my graduation pictures! It was a nice, warm fall/summer day and she did a GREAT job! I love the ones I have uploaded. Still cannot believe that day has come and gone. ONE MORE TO GO! 🙂
~Enjoy 🙂
JT