New Domain!

Not sure if this is important but I was able to change my domain name! Now my blog address is going to be walkingthroughpain.com! Let me know if you have any problems getting it to work! 🙂 Please feel free to share my blog and hopefully it will help encourage people to keep on keeping on! 🙂

Going with the flow….

I stopped today to reflect where the river of life has taken me….sadly….no I did not end up fulfilling all my childhood dreams…at least not yet! I am not even close to being what I thought I wanted to be when I grew up and I will probably not end up in a career that I ever thought I would…at least I won’t if I stay on this track. Part of me says that is cool…I started on point A and now as the river of life twists and turns I have seen, grown and changed.

Despite the changes my body has gone through living with RA/Fibro…I am still so happy that I am doing things. Even though the things I am doing…hehehe are not what I ever though I would be doing. Like tonight (and many other nights this semester) I spent hours reading a journal (on psychometric properties involved in a RG study) and then I studied statistics! Wow if someone had told me when I was little that this is what I would be doing at this point in my life….hah I would have rolled my eyes and laughed! But that doesn’t mean that just because I am not where I thought I would be….that I have “failed.” In fact I have gained. I have two degrees down…never thought I would do that….and I’m working on a terminal degree (totally never saw that happening).  I have traveled around the world…never thought I ever would! I’ve seen Africa, India and Europe with my own eyes! Amazing! I would not trade those experiences for the world.

I guess that point to my rambling brain tonight is just because you are not where you thought you would be in life….doesn’t mean you have not experienced some pretty amazing things. Life is a river that twists and turns but wow if we see life as something that we can always learn from and change with….what doors will open for us! I cannot wait to see what the rest of this semester brings, what being in a doctoral program for a few years does for my life, or even where I will end up in a few years after I am done! That is a whole new world to me and I cannot wait to experience the twists and turns!

Sadly I know the twists and turns will come at great cost, great painful cost to my body. But I fight with my brain every day and make it work, I make myself get out of bed, and I make myself think even when thinking is so hard.  Why? Because I (and you) have a purpose here, we are supposed to be somebody and do something, and I refuse to be stopped because I feel so downright crappy. Yes some weekends/days I spend all day in bed….but the next day I am up and pushing forward! Life is a marathon race…you just have to keep pushing forward, day after day and you just have to go with the flow! Don’t let your pain stop you…keep doing something for yourself and then for those around you!

Yes I’m weird

It is sad when I can jump up and down because I am getting correlations down! 🙂

Ready for the weekend

I love how weekends seem so far away when we are starting our work week and then for me by Wednesday I know I am almost there! I am so thankful that I am only working part time, although for me that seems like a full time job and then some. Working part time allows me to have some time to rest but also to spend my energy studying! Today though I can see on paper that I have only worked about 20hrs but gosh my body feels like I have worked some 80hrs. My legs feel horrible, and for the life of me I wish I had a reason why! A reason of course other than my RA/Fibro! 😛

The limitation of having an invisible disease are many and very frustrating! You want the ability to get a few hours of sleep and keep going.  And, at least I do, I want to be able to run around, shop, do errands, work full time, and study full time with out being reduced to crawling into bed for days because I did too much. I worked this week, I studied this week and now I feel like I have been hit by a car and then some. But I have errands to do, things to do around the house and so much more….being limited sucks!

But I have to remind myself that while my body is physically limited by MIND is not! And I have to take advantage of things that are easier on my body! Things like Skype to study with friends instead of pushing everything into a few hours so I can physically do more (take advantage of technology), take advantage of planning ahead so you can do more while you are out (once I come home….I’m staying home…I’ll do my errands at once), and organize (so what you are thinking of Christmas shopping…better to do it now then be stressed and standing in long lines).

There are things I can do to better handle my life, my limitations and living with my disease. I realize that now as I am growing older. And I think the one big prayer I have is to find and be surrounded by people who do understand my limitations! Who appreciate that I cannot keep going and going like they might be able to do.  That sometimes I need to rest, take advantage of technology, plan ahead, organize and maybe yes..just stay home and rest!

Have a great weekend! 🙂 Let’s rest and relax some 🙂

Happy 2nd Birthday

Yes! Happy 2nd birthday to me celebrating life with Rheumatoid Arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Life changed but life did not stop! Life has become harder but I am still LIVING. Life is full of pain but that does not mean that I am not doing things! The cool thing I have realize over the past two years….is wow I fight through a lot but it has made me be so thankful for the small things.

I LOVE naps, I love sitting on my couch, I love playing with my cats at home, I love reading/doing homework in bed, and I love getting out while I can (to drink my Starbucks! :P).

Here is to another year of fighting, living, sharing and growing up 🙂

Please Read!

I was touched a few weeks ago to get in touch with this amazing young lady! Her story is one similiar to many of us who suffer with an invisible disease. Pain, struggles, fatigue and at such a young age! She needs some encouragement as she is facing some tough surgery tomorrow! If you can post a comment for her to read and I will pass them on to her, she would love to be perked up!

            “Hi my name is Amie and I’m 18 years old. I live in a large town called paisley which is very near Glasgow in Scotland. Since the age of 3 I have always had kidney bladder and urinary tract problems. The hospital and doctors always gave me Paracetamol and antibiotics and sent me home. By the age of 11 i started getting severe back pain and couldn’t move out of my bed one day and my mum thought i was pretending to get a day off school but when she seen me burst out crying even trying to move she took me straight to my GP who referred me to specialist who confirmed it was Sciatica (which runs in my family). My kidneys and etc started to get a lot worse as well as i got older. I have had kidney stones and severe infections more times than I can count on my fingers. I have been told that my kidneys are that scared that i will be lucky if I don’t need a transplant by the age of 26.

Since January this year i have been kept in hospital just over 13 times all with my spine and kidneys. I am now scared of hospitals because of the way I have been treated by the nurses, they bullied me, shouted and screamed at me, refused me pain relief and let me wet myself. I was so ashamed as I’m only young. I was too scared to tell anyone because I thought they would just get worse and pick on me more. They kept telling me and my mum for 7 years that nothing was wrong with just my kidneys or an infection and they would put me on drips and give me lots of pills.

In August of this year I took a turn for the worst and physically couldn’t walk or move or even sit up on my own. I was taken into hospital screaming in pain and yet they only gave my co-codamol. I was on stronger medication at home. Night nurses would come in and scream and swear at me at night for crying because i was in pain. My mum begged doctors for an MRI scan and after a week and a half in hospital they finally agreed. I had to wait eight weeks and when i did get the scan it revealed my worst nightmare. My spine is deteriorating, my lower discs have no fluid in them so today I am having a serious operation to trying and fix it but if the slightest thing goes wrong i will be paralyzed which I’m most scared of. It has taken them so many years to finally figure out what was wrong with me and four different surgeons refused to operate on me because they didn’t want the blame on them if anything went wrong. I live in severe pain every day of my life I wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemy. People who don’t know what it’s like trust me it isn’t easy its horrific! Every time i see a shooting star or have to make a wish I wish that pain didn’t exist! One day i hope to be able to have children and run around with them or walk my sisters dog or even walk without my walking sticks. That will takes years but the darkest is before the dawn! One day i will dance again!

I am Amie Harvey and that is my life story :)”

Birthday present

Hunny was so thoughtful and picked out a beautiful James Avery ring! I love the color and what is even more special is that the ring has my Dads birthday gemstone. Keeps a memory of dad close!

Game shots

I didn’t take many but here are a few

Whew! What a weekend

Whew! The weekend is over but I need a break!! Friday, I took a mental health break and drove with a friend to our alma mater ( and my current school). It was so nice to walk around the campus, and see the old stomping grounds. And of course the campus has changed. Check out pictures I posted, you have to admit, the campus is gorgeous!

Then Saturday, we met up with two awesome couples and went to our rival game! Approximately 26,000+ fans piled into our stadium and enjoyed watching/cheering a really good game! Then as a pre-birthday weekend celebration we went out to dinner! Whew! A busy but fun and relaxing weekend!

The sad part is that as I had expected I paid for using that much energy! I hurt so bad last night I could barely move! But I pushed through it until about 2am and managed to get a draft of my stat homework done. Score! thankfully this week is a slower week!

This morning I was still in serious pain but I did make it to church! I love my church! Pastor had a wonderful message, he spoke on peace and letting God carry your worries and fears! So appropriate!

Two more days and this year of life will come to a close 😦 wow! Is it sad that I see it as having survived one more year of excruciating pain….! Is it sad I see it as the fourth birthday with out my dad? Hopefully despite the pain, I can expire joy and happiness as I celebrate the close of one year and the beginning of another year!

A lovely campus